The UMNO’s “Wow” Factor

A farmer named Lakbir Singh was overseeing his herd in a remote pasture in Bolehland when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.

The driver, a young Malay man in an Armani suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the farmer, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?”

Lakbir looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, “Sure, why not?”

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within mere seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data is stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-colour, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the farmer and says, “You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.”

“That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,” says Lakbir.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then Lakbir says to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?”

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why not?”

“You’re a graduate from Oxford and a Member of Parliament for Umno,” says Lakbir.

“Wow! That’s correct,” exclaims the yuppie with the customary Umno’s Wow Factor, “But how did you guess that?”

“No guessing required,” answered Lakbir. “You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, and to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter you are, and you don’t know a thing about cows. This is a herd of sheep. Now give me back my dog.”


Xin Nian Kuai Le everybody!!!! Happy Chinese New Year!


Bad bad service – Nokia Centre Bangsar

This is a very unpleasant experience my friend is having with the Nokia Centre in Bangsar:


Dear All

As of now, I am still awaiting to see whether they will give me a call on whether my phone has arrived! Apparently, it’s been sitting there in NOKIA HQ since last friday to be collected. And Wan from Nokia can say “Not sure when coming. I will call you back..i will call u back….”

Yeah right.

Well, we submitted this complaint to The Malay Mail and they just gave me a call at 4.00 pm (13/1/2009). I think this should be featured 14/1/2009 tomorrow.

I wonder what NOKIA will do. So far, no damage control done on their side lar.
Itular dia, Malaysia boleh ya?

Dear Sir/Madam,
RE: Complaint: Nokia Service Centre, Bangsar Baru (11/1/2009)

I submitted my phone, a NOKIA E71 for repair on 27/12/2008, with complaints being: the camera was not functioning and the phone restarted by its own accord. As it was still under warranty, I decided to submit it for repairs. The phone was a recent purchase from the same Nokia Centre in late October 2008.

The purpose of us buying original phones, from original/authorised NOKIA stores is so that, when there is a complaint or an issue, one would ASSUME that service would be quick. Our expected time period 4 days or at the most, 7 days.

It’s a real disappointment, as after close to three weeks, 12/01/2009, I have yet to received my phone back!

What is even more abhorring is the attitude of the service centre staff, Wan, at Nokia Bangsar Baru.

Having promised to give me a call, several times to update me on the phone, he never did so. Instead, I had to chase him no less than six times- paying visits to the Nokia Centre in Bangsar, besides calling him for updates.

On my visit on 12/01/2009 to Wan, I prompted him to call up his head office right in front of me for a quick check. He refused with a very poor excuse of having customers to serve, when clearly he wasn’t even treating me as a customer!

Moreover, Wan’s attitude at handling complaints is very lacking and rude. When asked if he could ‘loan’ me a similar phone to use while my phone was in repair all i got was a very rough NO and a whole tirade of Nokia care centre’s levels of management! Honestly, who cares-la?

After being really frustrated, I managed to get the phone number of Peter, the Service Manager of Nokia. Immediately, he followed up, and told me that my phone was actually ready on 9/01/2009! If I had not made that call to Peter, I wondered if Wan probably would ever have let me known and I would have wasted more time and money(on calls) to the centre. So as I write in, I am still waiting to get back my phone, which is promised to be delivered by 13/01/2009. I wonder if that will be the case.

However, it’s an utter disappointment at the lack of commitment on the part of Nokia. Especially with them being in such an area as in Bangsar.

This inconvenience has disrupted my businesses and left my clients unhappy as I had most, if not all my business contacts and emails stored in the phone.

I only hope that service can be improved, and follow up be done closely on the part of clients. I mean, the reason why we use NOKIA is because we trust the name and the service. Well, after this experience, I doubt I can ever do so.

Extremely disappointed NOKIA BANGSAR user