The UMNO’s “Wow” Factor

A farmer named Lakbir Singh was overseeing his herd in a remote pasture in Bolehland when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.

The driver, a young Malay man in an Armani suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the farmer, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?”

Lakbir looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, “Sure, why not?”

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within mere seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data is stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-colour, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the farmer and says, “You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.”

“That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,” says Lakbir.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then Lakbir says to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?”

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why not?”

“You’re a graduate from Oxford and a Member of Parliament for Umno,” says Lakbir.

“Wow! That’s correct,” exclaims the yuppie with the customary Umno’s Wow Factor, “But how did you guess that?”

“No guessing required,” answered Lakbir. “You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, and to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter you are, and you don’t know a thing about cows. This is a herd of sheep. Now give me back my dog.”


Xin Nian Kuai Le everybody!!!! Happy Chinese New Year!


Man vs Woman – Eternal Battle

‘What are you doing?’

Husband : Nothing.

Wife : ‘Nothing…? You’ve been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.’

Husband : ‘I was looking for the expiry date.’


Wife : ‘Do you want dinner?’

Husband : ‘Sure! What are my choices?’

Wife : ‘Yes or no.’


Wife: ‘You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?’

Hubby: ‘When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your
picture and the problem disappears.’

Wife: ‘You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you!’

Hubby: ‘Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be
greater than this one?’


Stress Reliever Girl: ‘When we get married, I want to share all your worries,
troubles and lighten your burden.’

Boy: ‘It’s very kind of you, darling, but I don’t have any worries or

Girl: ‘Well that’s because we aren’t married yet.’


Son: ‘ Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up
my seat to a lady.’

Mom: ‘Well, you have done the right thing.’

Son: ‘But mom, I was sitting on daddy’s lap.’


A newly married man asked his wife, ‘Would you have married me if my father
hadn’t left me a fortune?’

‘Honey,’ the woman replied sweetly, ‘I’d have married you, N O MATTER WHO LEFT



Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I’ll be yours forever .

The guy replies: ‘Thanks for the early warning.’


A wife asked her husband: ‘What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my
sexy body?’

He looked at her from head to toe and replied: ‘I like your sense of humor.’



Why the chicken cross the road?

some authoritative answers to this age-old question!


 The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The
 wanted CHANGE!


 My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need
 to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other
 side of the road.


 When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross
 the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure — right
 from Day One! — that every chicken in this country gets the chance it
 deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn’t about me…….


 The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must
 first deal with the problem on ‘THIS’ side of the road before it goes
 after the problem on the ‘OTHER SIDE’ of the road. What we need to do is
 help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his ‘CURRENT’
 problems before adding ‘NEW’ problems.


 Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he
 wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn
 from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to
 give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not
 live his life like the rest of the chickens.


 We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to
 know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is
 either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.


 Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of
 the chicken crossing the road…


 We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been
 allowed to have access to the other side of the road.


 Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it!
 It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken’s
 intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.


 That chicken crossed the road because he’s GUILTY! You can see it in his
 eyes and the way he walks.


 To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.


 No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a
 standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the price
 dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider


 Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the
 chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.


 To die in the rain. Alone.


 In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told
 the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.


 Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the
 chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it
 experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life
 long dream of crossing the road.


 It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.


 Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.


 I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but
 will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check
 Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform
 much more stable and will never cra…#@&&^(C%
………. reboot.


 Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the


 I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of


 I invented the chicken!


 Did I miss one?


 Where’s my gun?


 Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens!

 And now, the local version (for Singapore & Malaysia):

 LEE KUAN YEW (Former Prime Minister Singapore):

 We have installed crossing lights at all traffic junctions.  All
 should be able to cross safely to the other side.

 LEE HSIEN LOONG (Current Prime Minister Singapore):

 Gantry points have been set up.  All chickens wanting to cross the
 are advised to top up their cash cards first.

 ABDULLAH BADAWI (Current Prime Minister Malaysia):

 We have to be fair to all chickens. Some want to cross over the road,
 do not. …….. Zzzzzz …….zzzzzz ……. Now what were we talking
 about? Ah yes, chickens.  We will form a Royal Commission to decide
 whether it is right for them to cross the road.

 MAHATHIR (Former Prime Minister Malaysia):

 Now even the non-bumi chickens want to cross the road?  How can they
 disrespect and disregard the bumi chickens?  We must be allowed to
cross over first.  It is our right!

 ANWAR (Opposition party leader Malaysia):

 We have enough chickens waiting to cross over in September.

SAMY VELLU (Former Minister of Works Malaysia):

 After we have erected the toll booths, all chickens are free to cross the

looks like a chicken, it sounds like a chicken, but it is not a
chicken. Correct correct correct!


Corruption in the Courtroom

Sempena the hot topics of VK Lingam, Mahathir, Malaysia’s judiciary crisis and whatever not in this country right now, I give you a courtroom joke:

At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness.

“Isn’t it true,” he bellowed, “that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?”

The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn’t heard the question.

“Isn’t it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?”the lawyer repeated.

The witness still did not respond.

Finally, the judge leaned over and said, “Sir, please answer the question.”

“Oh,” the startled witness said, “I thought he was talking to you.”


Find the man!

After you find the guy — it’s so obvious. Once
you find him — it’s embarrassing, and you think, Why didn’t I see him

Doctors have concluded that if you find the man in the coffee beans in
3 seconds, the right half of your brain is better develop ed than most
people. If you find the man betwee n 3 seconds and 1 minute, the right
half of the brain is developed normally. If you find the man between 1
minute and 3 minutes, then the right half of your brain is functioning
slowly and you need to eat more protein. If you have not found the man
after 3 minutes, the advice is to look for more of this type of
exercise to make that part of the brain stronger!!!
And, yes, the man is really there!!!


 Think….(Don’t rush to
look for the answer)

Think !! How you take off the rope and save yourself from the
Think ……………………….. think it strongly…
Don’t peep for the answer ………
THINK lah………………





Smart eh? Kekeke